STAR SCOFFING

Oh dear, Guy and Madonna were booed at the premiere of Guy’s new movie, must be the people who actually shelled out money to see Revolver, which by all accounts is a stinker of note, a movie that makes “Swept Away look like Citizen Kane.” It’s a sort of kaballah inspired ganster flick, about “ego and the light” with guns, and its one saving grace seems to be the always fabulous Ray Liotta.

The critics have been unsparing, according to this it's a "convoluted, risibly overwrought muddle", worse yet, it ”lands on cinemagoers’ collective heads like a sack of wet sand”. Shame, Madonna, it’s not her fault her husband makes bad movies, gives them a lot in common, except he seems to be able to stay upside of a horse.

This is just incredible, David Hasselhoff is teaming up with Ice-T to produce a rap album, well, the Hoff apparently does sing, he's released 7 albums, but juding by the covers, his singing career was clearly just another opportunity to wear a speedo. Apparently he’s particularly popular in Austria and Germany. Ice-T is quoted as saying “He’s gonna come out as Hassle The Hoff – I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people with his rap skills and humour.”

I’m just trying not to think about bling in that hairy chest.

Poor Kate Moss, if it isn’t bad enough the police are after her, the Scientologists are trying to recruit her for their rehab programme. All I can say is run Kate, run like the wind, much faster than that other Katie fembot whatsername who is allowing someone else to change her name.

I said this before I’ll say it again, he’s back on the sauce, all those bicycle mishaps and the unfortunate pretzel in the nighttime. Alright this is the National Enquirer, but hmm, weren’t they first with the Brad and Angelina story?

Sticking with the politicians for a minute (and they really do give value in terms of scoffing opportunities), it’s an Arnie vs Warren Beatty armwrestle in California, this is so exciting. Warren’s schmoozing the teachers that Arnie called a “special interest” group he says Arnie’s governing by "by show, by spin, by cosmetics and photos ops". Ooh bitchy, Arnie says Warren’s just jealous. Watch out for the new reality show Gefuffelfuhrer vs Goldie Hawn’s Hairdresser. How can it miss?

Picture "borrowed" from here.