GORMLESS CELEBRITY SCOFFING – OH NICE ONE J.LOPEZ

Jennifer Lopez singer, actress, fashion designer, all round fembot (and ex-fiancee of hat above) got into it with Heather Mills this week. The woman forever known as Sir Paul’s wife tried to deliver a video to Lopez about the horrors of the fur Lopez uses in her fashion line, and was knocked off her prosthetic leg and verbally abused by Jennnifer’s goons. Heather is threatening to stalk Lopez, and I’m putting money on the outcome of this one. Never underestimate the power of the high moral ground.

I admit to detesting the kind of manufactured item Lopez represents, the American chav demographic. She sings, makes bad movies, sells perfume and clothes, stretching the brand so thin it’s tearing in places. She made her name for a Versace dress, but she’s bombed horribly since then. If you want sexy dark smouldering hussies, Salma Hayek has more charisma in her pinkie, Penelope Cruz has more phwoar in her hair.

Busted this week was Kate Moss who was photographed consuming huge amounts of sniffy when she promised her client Burberry she would stay “healthy, wholesome and sound”. Hang on a bit, since when do we want wholesome from Kate Moss? She’s great because of that dark edge, that elusive mystery thing. Although her entire every breath and fart are recorded by the media, she refrains from over-sharing or mouthing off on genetically modified food and the starving poor in Africa. Unfortunately she just won a libel case against a British tabloid for daring to claim she was over-fond of coconut. The press don’t take kindly to having to give money to celebrities, look at what’s happening to David Beckham.

Kate’s 31 now, she needs to borrow Mariah’s Women who Love Thugs book and get herself a decent boyfriend like her mother says. Is that nice George Clooney still playing golf with his buddies?

Shamless pandering - Brad in the buff.