CELEBRITY SCOFFING - THE MARIAH & EMINEM SHOW

In the chicken world, lower status chickens get pecked by those higher up in a hierarchy that is dominated by the chicken elite. They are compensated for enduring this bullying by being able to peck those below them, and so on down the line. Spots of blood, sickness or age make them fair game, and they are dispensed in a heartless and efficient way for the benefit of the group as a whole.

In the human world, we’re more enlightened, it’s not fair to pick on someone worse off than you, we don’t even peck people who are just slightly better off than us, we go for the mega-rich and tasteless, who are well able to protect themselves from proletarian chirpers like us, which makes it the most democratic thing in the world.

The fame junkies are the easiest targets, they won’t go off and retire to their country estates, they keep coming back because without that mass love, they don’t feel truly alive. Michael Jackson wants to stage his umpteenth comeback by having a Queer Eye makeover to become more macho. I should think a couple of months in Dubai should teach him everything there is to know about macho. He’s also doing a song for “Katrina victims”. Well he would, wouldn’t he?

When immensely high status and foolish people do stupid things, they ask for a pecking and it’s our duty to deliver, for instance, Mariah Carey has everything going for her, she’s been famous since she was 18, ditched her powerful husband, buried an embarrassing movie debut and staged a successful comeback. Then she had to spoil it all by calling up a guy and begging over the phone. Someone get Mariah a copy of that book, whatsit, he’s not into you, and that other one Women Who Love Thugs. Maybe Diana Ross can be delegated to teach her how a diva should behave, she’s never put a foot wrong in her entire life, ditto Oprah.

As for Eminem, who owes much of his success to the production genius of Dr Dre, what an incredibly sadistic, uncool and frankly wankerish thing to do? It may have been her fiftieth begging call of the day in which case alright, but to play the tape in his concerts, then pretend to puke, come on, tasteless and mean-spirited isn’t the word. Sis man. We get it already, don’t fuck with Eminem, no wonder he can’t sleep.

Why doesn’t he get together with Courtney Love, she’d provide endless hours of copy now that he’s run out of mother/ex-wife stuff. Courtney Love's daughter, is already a little madam, she’s thirteen and obviously getting ready for her turn in front of the cameras, and good luck to her.

Isn’t Arnie’s face looking incredibly tight these days, or is that the death grin of the one term governor contemplating the political wasteland. He’s got the teachers after his hide, and in laid back sunny anything goes, California, he’s vetoing the gay marriage bill. His approval ratings are so in the terlet, since Arnie for President is becoming remote, he has no choice but to protect the cash flow since famously liberal Hollywood isn’t going to give him a hearty welcome back. He better hope for that earthquake that was promised so he can appear in a flight suit and boost his macho factor, hmmm, there’s an idea for Michael Jackson, fly into New Orleans to lend a hand in a pair of finely tailored blue overalls.

Khanye West for President.

I’m saving the politicians for another post, there’s so many of them, and what they have done this week has been so callous and cynical, they demand a section all by themselves. Arnie’s stays over here, cos he’s not really a politician is he?