Tuesday, September 13, 2005

BLOEMFONTEIN WELCOMES THE CHIPPENDALES

If you’re a handsome, well-toned metrosexual, better hurry on through Bloemfontein, and most especially if you can dance, because you’re not welcome, cuzzie. The Chippendales got pelted with eggs for coming on strong to one or two of the local gals. Clothing got stolen (that’s a good one) and tyres deflated, petty stuff, but not a nice thing to do especially if they're actively encouraging the women of Bloemfontein to go out and have some fun with a website called Nightguide which has pictures of the guys looking hot, and this

“What it boils down to is that they will steam up your mamma’s glasses, make you cross your legs and make you scream… and if you do miss any of their shows, we have a declaration to make. We hereby declare that if you miss them hunkie’s show, we will not be responsible for your nightmares. Ever!!”

Here’s the part about Bloemfontein …

Aaaaaawww… Bloem… Bloem sweet Bloemfontein… Bloem has got such a lot of beautiful girls… hotties, call them what you want… bottom line is half of the girls there are blonde anyway, so we just had to fit 5 shows into this Dusty Dorpie, all at the Callie Human Hall, from the 6 th to the 10 th of September.”

Someone at Chippendales HO didn’t do their homework, if it’s not hairy and scary, don’t bring it round Bloem way, certainly no pecs or six packs or waxed privates around Bloem girls, don’t want them to start getting funny ideas.

Good Free State hospitality at its best in a town which I've heard has a thriving gay pick-up area called the Wagkamer (Waiting Room), and plenty of strip-joints, so the men of Bloem are well catered for. The women, not so much, yet someone had the balls to put up the money to get the Chippendales to a town that quite frankly passes like a blur on the way to and from Cape Town. No let’s be fair, Bloem is quite pretty at the end of October when it passes in a purple blur on the way to Lesotho, but it’s not a place in which you'd linger and tarry unless you had a good reason. In the bad old days, the joke was in Bloemfontein on Sundays they were so determined nobody should have any fun, they took the swings out of the budgie cages. I’m so glad they’ve moved on since then.

I don’t mean to bash Bloem, I’m sure it’s a lekker place, but fergodsakes, aren’t the women allowed to have fun without the boykie brigade rushing in and pelting eggs at guys who are only doing their job. It’s a pretty treacherous job judging by the way women behave when they’re extremely pissed, surrounded by their extremely pissed buddies, away from the sink and the kids and the lump in the bed.

Sies Bloem, is this any way to treat your visitors, even if they're gorgeous?

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