Monday, September 05, 2005

MORE TERRIBLE INVENTIONS AND ONE (MAYBE) GOOD ONE


Our country has been in the news recently for a number of nifty inventions we’re an enterprising nation it seems, ever ready to supply exactly what the market needs when it needs it.

Now we have the Rapex penis mangler-mincer-shredder, the post-millenium chastity belt, a condom with burr-like teeth, which is apparently going to solve the scourge of rape in our country. When I heard about this little device I imagined it would look like a condom with little teeth like Velcro, I never imagined anything like this.

How is this thing supposed to work? You’re going out for the evening, and you need to decide before you leave the house if you’re going to get raped or not? This is what you have to think about when you’re getting ready for a date, maybe he’s a rapist, I’d better slip in the dinky Rapex just to make sure? That teacher, hmmm, he looks alright but you never know, that neighbour, that shopkeeper, where will it end? You slip this monstrosity inside your body like a tampon, no big deal, and presumably if you haven’t been raped by the end of the day you take it out, right? Duh, what’s to stop the guy taking it out before he rapes you? Except now he has to fiddle around looking for it before he rapes you. Or maybe you catch him and there he is on top of you with pins in the tip of his dick and fully able to sit down and have a reasonable debate about the foolishness of his behaviour. There will be lawsuits about this, mark my words, because there are women who will not be able to resist using it as a weapon.

And hey, wait a minute, are we supposed to buy these things ourselves? Shell out our hard-earned cash for the freedom of movement we thought was our right?

The jokes have already started, here’s one thanks to The Sage :

Man walks into Pharmacy,

I’d like a pack of Trojans...

Regular or Maxxum

Maxxum

Ribbed or non

non

Lubricated or not

Lubricated

Latex or Kevlar

Kevlar.

All right, that'll be 3 pound 5 pence

Here’s an invention we really need, lemons without pips, sounds great doesn’t it, because there are so many pips in lemons aren’t there? Instead of the heavy lifting involved in removing a pip or two from a lemon slice, we now have fruit trees that can’t propagate themselves. Chalk one up for agri-business.

Couple other maybe good things in the food line are new sorghum and wheat cultivars, seven new maize cultivars with enhanced drought tolerance and disease resistance and a groundnut with extra large kernels called the “Rambo”. Hmff, alright good, as long as they’re not genetically modified.

More importantly they’ve developed a “flat pack” for pig semen. Oh yes, a couple of cherubic piglets have already been born from frozen sperm shipped to St. Helena from these shores. Frozen pig spunk in handy rip open packs, ought to be a winner.

10 comments:

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PossumQueen SA said...

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Jeanna said...
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Jeanna said...
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PossumQueen SA said...

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Jeanna said...
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PossumQueen SA said...

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Jeanna said...
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Jeanna said...
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PossumQueen SA said...

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My blog, I'll decide whether I'll speak to trolls.